Marriage is What You Put Into It

On May 2, 2012, a girl drove to a boy’s house for their first date. She was nervous because she was driving to a new destination and meeting a boy outside of where she met him. She was greeted with a warm hug and off they went to St. Augustine. Four in a half years later, the same boy took the girl where they had their first date and asked for her to marry him. On May 2, 2017 #idoMay2 was the beginning of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Mattiace.

The brief story above is my love story. There are so many details I would love to share with you, but you would be reading a novel instead of a blog post. (: I started to reflect on the past five months as a wife and five years as a partner and wanted to share (just like the title says) what Marriage is…

two imperfect people coming together refusing to give up on each other.

having a partner for life.

going to bed with your best friend every night.

living with a mirror where your flaws are exposed and made new.

I grew up in a broken home where divorce happened at an early age and he experienced the same later on in life. We knew the importance of family and wanted to carry that into our journey. I prayed for someone only the Lord knew could be my partner in life.  My prayers continued to give me hope over a six-year period and a list of specific qualities I was looking for in a mate . All along (years later I found out), Rob was looking for a different kind of girl.

My mom gave me the advice of, “Go through dating with your eyes wide open. Go through marriage with your eyes half shut.” These words did not sit well with me because I was stubborn. Why would I change after I get married? We’re in the same relationship with rings on and promised to continue helping each other. The reality check marriage is what you put into it.

Looking back, the time we were dating was all setup in perfect timing. We learned more about each other as the seasons changed and continued to weave our paths into what we would eventually call our own. Did we date too long? Not long enough? We tried to put blinders on and not compare our progress or setbacks with any other relationship other than our own. We distanced ourselves from negativity and used communication even when it hurt the most. I helped Rob make strides in his life during this part of our lives.

One of the most stressful and beautiful things we have ever done was plan our own wedding. In front of God, family and friends, Rob and I made our own vows. Moving into a place of our own was exciting and a joined decision. We put an effort in our relationship 100% – 100% to make it what it is today. We make us a priority. We have a regular date night where we have extended time to practice our love languages to carry us through whatever life throws at us. We pray over our meals together and take turns on household responsibilities. Rob has helped me let go of parts in my life during this part of our lives.

Marriage has been a season to say “it keeps getting better and better” because we continue to take our time. We saw each other in all situations while we were dating, so marriage was not a complete surprise. And if something new came up, we had a healthy communication habit to talk through it and faced it together. We are far from perfect, but we do what works for us. I love to cook and Rob has a healthy appetite, so we coined our home the “R&R Cafe” where guests are welcome to eat a semi-homemade meal and relax in good company. We are enjoying the journey we are on as we continue to go through life.

And now, #idoMay2continues.