1 John 2: 3-8 (NIV)
3 We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4 The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5 But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love[b] is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
7 Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. 8 Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
After writing my last entry, I called four people and got to talk to two of them. (50% improvement since last time.) I was “confronted with grace” by John when he reminded me to keep walking as Jesus did. It was never promised to us that it would be easy, but our promise was that He would never leave or forsake us. When I was writing my last entry, I was hurt and did not want to admit I was hurt by those who mean a lot to me. I’d rather brush it off and start over, but I’ll never have peace with them or myself if I continue to ignore it. I am sticking to my word and limiting my social media time because I desire relationships with people and not his or her wall or page. This means I have to keep putting myself “out there” in social settings to meet new people or see the faces of those I have been hurt by. I am praying for God to give me an opportunity to “confront them with grace” and apologize to clear the air. I’ve been distancing myself because that’s what I’m comfortable doing.
I realized that it’s not all “their” fault, it’s mine too. I admit it here and am sorry if I sound full of myself when I say this, but: About 2 years ago, I was looking for a deeper relationship with God first and didn’t open up to relationships with people until I was “right” with God. Now that God has been the steady variable in my life, he is asking me to move forward with him and into the lives of others (something I’m uncomfortable with). I don’t even know if people know this about me, but I’m a wallflower. I know a connection with someone doesn’t happen over night or after a first meeting, but I need to trust God will introduce or reunite me with a certain set of people to get my relationships back in check.
I am going to a Young Professionals meeting this Tuesday and am looking forward to a great message and am praying God opens opportunities for me to be social with ease. John encouraged me to trust God is going to bring a good message AND good people in my life. Before, I would trust in the first and ignore the later part. I’m trying to move forward and trust God more as I know this is what he wants for my life/season right now. As the scripture says, if I am not letting God shine through me by staying closed in, then I am not walking with God for my light to shine.
I don’t even know if all this makes sense as I think I’m talking in circles, but I feel better. I need peace to move forward. I found this quote by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. Is it our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
It was posted in a Real Simple article I kept from 2007! Gail Blanke talks about how we “give away the power God has given us from time to time. It’s not because we are weark or because our courage fails us; it’s because we don’t know how strong we really are. Even if we get a glimmer of our true grit, we back off.” That makes sense to me in ALL this “mess” I’ve dealt with. When I was the room leader this past Campus Harvest, I felt truly blessed to room with three girls who were seeking God and trusting in me for guidance to walk with them side by side. I didn’t feel “motherly” or anything negative I’ve felt in the past, but a genuine friend. After I was in the place to create a connection, I felt at ease… it’s the getting to the place of creating relationships is what is most scary for me. Blanke continued to share “4 steps to embrace your power”
- Don’t disqualify yourself from the race before it even begins. Doubting yourself is no way to get things done.
- Make a list of your “wins”: the times you made the catch, made the call, or made the day. Revel in your wins every time you face a new challenge.
- Abandon the list of your “losses.” No great trapeze artist ever walks into the big top thinking about the times she fell. Don’t you do it, either.
- When the opportunity presents itself, take it. When the opening occurs, step forward. When the envelope arrives, open it.
Oh, this is definitely a God thing because this paper has been sitting on my desk for weeks and I have been debating to throw it away or reread it. I glanced over in the middle of this entry and realized it’s the icing on the cake. It’s what I need to regain my power that God has given me. I am his child who wants more out of life, but is afraid of what’s out there. (Who isn’t?) If you’re reading this, thank you for baring with me. May this encourage me and maybe you, but it’s all for His glory I am here to share this with you.